Goodbyes and ending

The name is Robo, not Sam Smith and I’m pretty terrible at goodbyes.

I don’t think Goodbyes should be easy. If it is, then maybe there wasn’t much to begin with in the first place.

Goodbyes have different meanings. Sometimes it means see you tomorrow and we’ll pick up right where we left off.

Other times it means see you tomorrow, but it would never be the same again.

We can all agree that the latter is way worse. Sometimes it’s the result of our actions or inactions, other times there’s not a fucking thing we could have done about it.

My mum always said, „Anything worth doing is worth doing well“. That should include saying goodbye. But it’s so goddamn hard to live up to.

Letting go is hard, and it should be. It means we care and our hands are being forced. We’ve hoped for more, but the stakes have changed. Sometimes we’re on the other side of the wave 👋 and just mimicking what the other person has done 👋.

If you’re on Sam Smith’s level of being good at goodbyes, then it’s one of two things. You either never really got invested in the first place or you’re the first one to always say goodbye. I pity the poor souls on the other side of the wave 👋.

But we’ve all been there. Losing a loved one to an accident, an illness or suicide is just like that. They get to say goodbye first and make their peace with it(hopefully) and we, on the other side, the so-called player no 2 like the second plugged-in controller on a PlayStation get to follow up on player no 1’s action.

It’s the same with a breakup. They’ve made up their mind and have practised their goodbyes a thousand times in their mind and then they wave👋. There you are, caught completely unaware, gutted, blindsided and forced into player no 2 role. You wave back.

Goodbyes sucks!! But they can also be good. You’ve just got to be the one waving first. It’s like overcoming a traumatic experience or quitting a bad habit or a relationship, a job etc. It’s the difference between quitting a job and getting fired. It’s all about being the one who makes the decision first.

You might be asking yourself, is there a middle ground? No there isn’t. Or at least, no easy path to it. The journey to closure can be a long one around personal relationships and losses. With jobs and some other things, it’s less than 24 hours.

The fear of being player no 2 on goodbyes is the reason why some never commit or throw themselves into anything completely in the first place. It’s self-defence. A few rounds of being player no 2 in life and you change. You adapt. You never commit or at the slightest discomfort, you’re the first to bail and begin the wave 👋 . Opting to be player no 1.

The downside is, you miss out on ever having a full experience. A wholesome one. I guess my mum was right after all. I think she just wants me to have more wholesome experiences. Living up to that standard has consequently made be terrible at goodbyes but has left us here and there with some wholesome experiences.

There are cases where I have said goodbye first. In some cases would have been better if I did that even earlier.

I’ve also been guilty of baiting the other person to say goodbye first. But then again, I had already made peace and said my goodbyes way more earlier. So I was ultimately still player no 1, despite my false good deeds.

If you’ve read this far, you’re the sucker a.k.a player no 2 and have obviously not been following closely. I’ve made my peace with this piece a few paragraphs above. You should have made your exit earlier but now I get to tell you goodbye first. I guess I lied above when I said “I’m Robo, not Sam Smith and I’m terrible at goodbyes”.

So Goodbye!!!